I hate people and like persons

I really hate being in gatherings of people, and I think it is founded in my own issues. Recently I have been regularly meeting a new group of people and have about reached my limit for being around them. Ever notice that when you join a group that has already been around each other, and is already aware of one another that you cannot help but feel out of place?

They understand each of the others core competencies, and already respect one another. This merely strengthens the human desire to exclude new people, and wars with any legitimate desire to expand. The key is for the group to accept the new member or to reject them, or in the modern era of PC and touchy-feely they can just passive-aggressively push back until people leave; since the ability to be honest is lacking in our society.

Since I already spend hours self-examining each and every word, and each and every movement when I get away from new people I find such behavior to be unacceptable. I really have a hard time adjusting to the fact that there are semi-hidden looks exchanged, and side conferences going on, in addition to my own internal examination.

I tend to give every new group 4-5 tries just to make sure it is not my own internal demons causing me to think they are not on my side, and once I know I have found it is best to just do my own thing and avoid those people unless they are interested in what I am doing and I am able to speak from a position of authority.

I left Facebook recently because the people I had assumed were my friends were more than willing to talk behind my back, assume the worst of me, and even blow things out of proportion while on their high-school-level witch hunts. This feeds directly into why I hate meeting new people in real life. I am so sick of cowards in our society that I have began to lack respect for anyone who dissembles, prevaricates, white-lies or sells products. The sad thing is that when you confront people and tell them to just bring their whispered ignorance into the open they lack the ability to do so. I wish there was a way to overcome this, but unless we start teaching children concepts like integrity, honor, candor, and commitment I do not predict it happening.

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